I liked a @YouTube video https://t.co/Qm8U1BRKLZ Bioware Just Began The Slow Process Of Killing Mass Effect Altogether

…and this is why I don’t leave the house.

I don’t normally, but this time I really had to.

I had to bring insulin to my diabetic girlfriend who was stuck at work.

So I made the train trip to the city and took an extra-long way around to avoid the clusters of people on weekend strolls to nowhere. I finally made it to the riverside shopping complex.

After a long time of being disorientated and hypnotized by bright lights and closing down sales, I managed to find the right store and gave her life saving insulin. I left and entered the food court and decided to get coffee as a reward for my bravery.

I had a good look at the options available and decided to buy coffee from the cafe with the saddest staff. I wanted someone on verge of a breakdown. I imagined my order of coffee to be the last straw and he would slowly, silently weep into my cappuccino.

The sadder the staff – the better the coffee.

FACT!

I waited behind a woman, already making her order and I stood back as to leave a space for people to scurry by with their shopping objectives. I do this to be out of people’s way. It is the very least I could do to help this whole existence thing, move along a little easier. Leaving this gap was a mistake as a large man walked by with his collar up and girlfriend under his arm. He twisted his body in abnormal positions to make sure people can see his fine new accessory.

“Now…” he thought to himself “They will not question my sexuality! Now I am one of them!”

He came back and placed himself in my well-meaning gap. He turned to me and winked and said. “You snooze you lose mate!” And then chuckled at how clever he felt.

“Now…” he thought to himself. “They know who the big man around here is!”

He then began to make out with his girlfriend and the whole time was turning back at me, watching for a reaction. Making sure I was witnessing this spectacle. His eyes widened and refused to blink. The sucking and the muffled grunting only “enhanced” my viewing pleasure. This could have gone on for another year but the coffee man had no time for this and was ready to take his order.

He placed his order and payed for the overpriced coffee with a plastic card. This made him feel like a spaceman. The man told him to wait on the right. So he took his girlfriend and they hung together at the end of the counter waiting for how I would react to this magnificent performance.

“One Cappuccino…Large…one sugar…thanks.” I said.

The man at the counter leaned in looked at the guy and said to me “I saw the way they guy pushed in front of you. You should have said something.”

I told him it was OK. As this was probably the highlight of his existence.